where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
