What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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