i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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