she woke up with a sticky ear
accomplished twins. life is a go
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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