mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
