I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I enjoy the company of your penis
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