I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
