Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
