they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
