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Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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