Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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