Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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