Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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