You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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