My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
