Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
