I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
