i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
