she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
