I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
