She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
