Porn is love you can see.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
