I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
