I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
