Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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