Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
