Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
