Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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