I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drake has all the answers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
