party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
