i think my tv is drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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