The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
