I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
