just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the raccoons are back...
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