The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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