i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
