she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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