I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
