Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
