no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
