btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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