I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
