Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
