i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
