Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
