His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I AM VODKA MAN
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
