So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
