I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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