Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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