it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think brook has ever known best
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
