I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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