i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
